post about shit-code

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# A sundry collection of intellectual property, some less intellectual than other
Something I firmly believe is that it's possible to make jokes in any medium. Here at Nebcorp Heavy
Something I firmly believe is that it's important to make jokes in any medium. Here at Nebcorp Heavy
Industries & Sundries, despite occasional dabbling with the
[physical](@/sundries/a-thoroughly-digital-artifact/index.md), we work primarily with software, and
so this medium is one of our primary corporate humor channels. Below is just some of our work there,
software is one of our primary corporate humor channels. Below is just some of our work there,
from least to most useless.
## *katabastird, a graphical countdown timer*
@ -116,23 +116,174 @@ users that I can specifically identify:
![randical's popularity is baffling][randical_downloads]
Who is downloading my software, and why? I don't know, and I don't care about knowing.
Who is downloading my software, and why? I don't know, and more importantly, I don't care or need to
know. It's truly better for everyone that way.
## *freedom-dates, a library noone needed or wanted*
## *freedom-dates, a library neither wanted nor needed*
When I started writing this post, "freedom-dates" did not exist as a concrete thing, merely as a
shit-head suggestion by me about the dumbest possible way to represent dates as a string.
When I started writing this post, "freedom-dates" existed strictly as a shit-head idea of mine about
the dumbest possible way to represent dates as a string. In fact, I had had it about a month before,
while chatting with some friends on Discord.
---
- freedom-dates
- bad_print
![the birth of the birth of freedom][freedomdates-discord]
*<center><sup><sub>actually i did ask if i should</sub></sup></center>*
As usual, I thought tossing a small crate together to realize this joke would take, at most, one
hour, and be maybe ten lines long. At least this time, it only took five or six times as long as I
thought it would. In its own words, `freedom-dates`
> provides a convenient suite of affordances for working with dates in *freedom format*. That is, it
> takes representations of dates in Communinst formats like "2023-02-08", and liberates them into a
> Freedom format like "2/8/23".
For something like this, where I would not want to actually be accused of punching down or being a
jingoistic moron, it's important to be as multidimensionally absurd as possible; I really needed to
commit to the bit and provide maximum, richly-textured incongruity.
Luckily, using the [Rust language](https://www.rust-lang.org/) helps with that in a lot of
ways. After I [published it to the official package
repository](https://crates.io/crates/freedom-dates), the official documentation site built and
published the [autogenerated documentation](https://docs.rs/freedom-dates/latest/freedom_dates/) for
it. This leads to the creation of content that looks like this:
![this is history][freedoms-birthday]
The slick-looking defaults and basically frictionless process for participating in the Rust
ecosystem make it easy for culture-jamming like this. All I had to do was diligently comment, test,
and document my code[^just-do-lots-of-work], and the larger systems took care of the rest.
Rust also provides a lot of different fancy programming tools, like
[`Traits`](https://docs.rs/freedom-dates/latest/freedom_dates/trait.FreedomTime.html), that allow
you to dress up deeply unserious content in deeply serious costume.
In all real seriousness, though, I hope that seeing how easy it is to get something this silly
published in the official channels inspires you to overcome any trepidation about doing that
yourself, if you have something you want to share!
## *bad_print, a silly program*
A few years ago, someone at the [Recurse Center](https://recurse.com/)[^rc-link] started a chat
thread titled "bad print", and opened it with,
> you probably didn't know that you needed a bad print function, one that spawns a thread for each
> character in your string and prints the single character before quitting... well, now that you
> know that you needed this, i've written one for you
and then pasted a 3-line program in Haskell, and asked for other implementations of "bad print", in
any language. I whipped one up using [Rayon](https://github.com/rayon-rs/rayon), a library for doing
some things in parallel really easily, but eventually settled on the following, which uses a much
smaller and more focused external library called
[threadpool](https://github.com/rust-threadpool/rust-threadpool):
``` rust
use std::io::Write;
use std::{env, io};
use threadpool::ThreadPool;
fn main() {
let args: Vec<String> = env::args().collect();
if args.len() < 2 {
panic!("Please supply a phrase to be badly printed.")
}
let string = args[1..].join(" ");
let num_threads = string.len();
println!(--------);
let pool = ThreadPool::new(num_threads);
for c in string.chars() {
pool.execute(move || {
print!("{}", c);
let _ = io::stdout().flush();
});
}
pool.join();
println!();
}
```
I noted about it, relative to earlier versions,
> It appears to output strings with an even larger edit distance from the arguments given to it,
> presumably due to the chaos inherent to harnessing the power of one full tpc (thread per char).
Indeed, witness it for yourself:
``` text
$ bad_print Behold the awesome power of one full Thread Per Character.
--------
Bwoesmd elpoh or onh eu Thread earPCh ceearfofelwtter la.
```
By far the most impressive was a bash script that did *Matrix*-style cascading text in your
terminal, called, appropriately enough, `bad_matrix`; that particular one was by someone [who's a
bit of a shell
wizard](https://www.evalapply.org/posts/shell-aint-a-bad-place-to-fp-part-2-functions-as-unix-tools/index.html#main).
# Other peformance arts
An artist's medium is all of reality and all of time, so every piece of the work is eligible for
expression; the frame is also part of the work. Software in my culture is still embedded in a
context that is a bit stuffy, a bit up its ass about things like "copyright" and "semantic
versioning"[^smegver], and so they're things I enjoy playing with, too.
At the bottom of the [readme for
freedom-dates](https://github.com/nebkor/misfit_toys/blob/master/freedom-dates/README.md), I have
the following about the version:
> Freedom *STARTS* at number 1, baby! And every release is ten times the last, so second release is
> 10, then 100, etc. FREEDOM!
and indeed it is at version 1.0.0; the two `.0`s after the `1` are there to satisfy Cargo's
requirements about semver[^smegver].
## goldver
When I version software for public consumption, I tend to use a scheme I call
"[goldver](https://gitlab.com/nebkor/katabastird/-/blob/main/VERSIONING.md)", short for "Golden
Versioning". It works like this:
> When projects are versioned with goldver, the first version is "1". Note that it is not "1.0", or,
> "1.0-prealpha-release-preview", or anything nonsensical like that. As new versions are released,
> decimals from *phi*, the [Golden Ratio](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_ratio), are appended
> after an initial decimal point. So the second released version will be "1.6", the third would be
> "1.61", etc., and on until perfection is asymptotically approached as the number of released
> versions goes to infinity.
In order to be compliant with the semver version structure, the following rule is applied to
projects published to the official Rust package repository:
> Once there have been at least three releases, the version string in the Cargo.toml file will
> always be of the form "1.6.x", where x is at least one digit long, starting with "1". Each
> subsequent release will append the next digit of phi to x. The number of releases can be
> calculated by counting the number of digits in x and adding 2 to that.
I sincerely believe that this is *better than [semver](https://semver.org/)* for plenty of non-library
software. It was Windows 95 and then Windows 2000; obviously there was a lot of change. I don't care
about arguing about the whether or not this is a "patch release" or a "minor release" or a "major
change". There are no downstream dependents who need to make sure they don't accidentally upgrade to
the latest release. If someone wants to update it, they know what they're getting into, and they do
it in an inherently manual way.
## chaos license
Anything that I can[^chaos-software], I license under the Chaos License, which states,
> This software is released under the terms of the Chaos License. In cases where the terms of the
license are unclear, refer to the [Fuck Around and Find Out
License](https://git.sr.ht/~boringcactus/fafol/tree/master/LICENSE-v0.2.md).
This is about as
[business-hostile](https://blog.joeardent.net/2017/01/say-no-to-corporate-friendly-licenses/) as I
can imagine, far worse even than the strong copyleft licenses that terrified the lawyers at ILM when
I was there. It oozes uncertainty and risk; you'd have to be deranged to seriously engage with
it. But if you're just a person? Dive right in, it doesn't really matter!
---
That's about all I have for now, my droogs. Go take what you know and do something weird with it; it
may amuse you! You might learn something! You might make someone laugh!
---
[katabastird_normal]: ./katabastird_normal.png "counting down with one hour, twenty-nine minutes, and forty-three seconds remaining"
@ -141,3 +292,20 @@ shit-head suggestion by me about the dumbest possible way to represent dates as
[katabastird_predator]: ./katabastird_predator.png "get to the choppah"
[randical_downloads]: ./randical_installs.png "who the hell are these people?"
[freedomdates-discord]: ./birth_of_freedomdates.png "a screencap of a conversation where I suggest 'freedom-formatted' dates are 'seconds since july 4 1776'"
[freedoms-birthday]: ./freedoms_birthday.png "Freedom was born at noon on the Fourth of July, '76, Eastern Time. This is History."
[^just-do-lots-of-work]: I did more test-writing and documenting for that useless joke project
than for most other software I ever write.
[^rc-link]: See also the link at the bottom of the page here.
[^smegver]: "semantic versioning" sounds like it could be a good idea: "the versions should be
meaningful, and when they change, they should be changed in a way that means something
consistent". As usual with these things, it's turned into a prescriptivist cult whose adherents
insist that all software be released according to its terms. This is annoying.
[^chaos-software]: This is basically anything I write by me, for me, as opposed to contributing to
someone else's project.